Everyone who knows Mike knows he lives with a chronic disease...his back issues. So in much of a way I live with it as well. This isn't to say that I have to deal with the physical pain but I deal with another type of pain.
I would never have guessed the challenge that his back would cause him, me and this relationship.
When I first met Mike he was first diagnosed with the back issues and he was dealing with it secretly. He never ever talked to me about what was going on which in the end led to us breaking up for awhile.
Anyways though as I found out more and more about this problem I could have never guessed how hard some days can be for him or me. If you've ever watched someone that you love be miserable than you know what I am talking about. My pain comes from not being able to do anything for him. I wish I could take the pain away and put it upon myself but I can't. I sit and watch him struggle with things that he used to love to do. I HATE THIS!!
Mike is such a caring person and when anyone asks for his help he is always right there to help....unfortunetly most of that is lifting heavy objects somewhere (he's a big strong guy I don't blame anyone) but I found myself giving evil glares to the people that ask for his help because I deal with the after math. What it looks like: Him sitting on his chair, not moving, not talking, almost a depressed state because he is in so much PAIN. So basically I find myself between a rock and a hard spot.
The rock is the fact that it is such a turn on when Mike offers and gives everything he has to help someone out, I fell in love with this trait in him.
The hard spot is me dealing with the complete helplessness I feel when I have to sit by and watch him hurt.
What do I do?? I don't think there is a right answer. There's not a drug in the world that would take this away. It sucks. I'm pursuing nursing as a career...I strive on the amazing feelings I have when I help someone but what happens when the one most important person in my life I can't help??
What a tricky situation. As life goes on I feel that the only thing I can do is stand by him through all of it. I will be his safe place where he can put down the strong guy act, the hand for him to hold, the driver to and from the hospital, the person to pick up things off the floor for him, and the person for him to share his life with.
