Living with Chronic Disease

Everyone who knows Mike knows he lives with a chronic disease...his back issues. So in much of a way I live with it as well. This isn't to say that I have to deal with the physical pain but I deal with another type of pain.
I would never have guessed the challenge that his back would cause him, me and this relationship.
When I first met Mike he was first diagnosed with the back issues and he was dealing with it secretly. He never ever talked to me about what was going on which in the end led to us breaking up for awhile.
Anyways though as I found out more and more about this problem I could have never guessed how hard some days can be for him or me. If you've ever watched someone that you love be miserable than you know what I am talking about. My pain comes from not being able to do anything for him. I wish I could take the pain away and put it upon myself but I can't. I sit and watch him struggle with things that he used to love to do. I HATE THIS!!
Mike is such a caring person and when anyone asks for his help he is always right there to help....unfortunetly most of that is lifting heavy objects somewhere (he's a big strong guy I don't blame anyone) but I found myself giving evil glares to the people that ask for his help because I deal with the after math. What it looks like: Him sitting on his chair, not moving, not talking, almost a depressed state because he is in so much PAIN. So basically I find myself between a rock and a hard spot.
The rock is the fact that it is such a turn on when Mike offers and gives everything he has to help someone out, I fell in love with this trait in him.
The hard spot is me dealing with the complete helplessness I feel when I have to sit by and watch him hurt.
What do I do?? I don't think there is a right answer. There's not a drug in the world that would take this away. It sucks. I'm pursuing nursing as a career...I strive on the amazing feelings I have when I help someone but what happens when the one most important person in my life I can't help??
What a tricky situation. As life goes on I feel that the only thing I can do is stand by him through all of it. I will be his safe place where he can put down the strong guy act, the hand for him to hold, the driver to and from the hospital, the person to pick up things off the floor for him, and the person for him to share his life with.

Fun, fun, and more fun

Wow life has been so great lately. I've got lots of little trips and good things to write about. Since my last post I have obviously been working hard at school and finish 2nd semester next week......so crazy how fast it is flying by. In almost an exact year I will be graduating, eek so exciting.
So the first trip I have gone on was to the ACM's in Vegas. What a cool experience. It was crazy to see all the stars there. All the performances were great but I have to say Miranda Lamberts "Over You" was the one I enjoyed the most just because I love the song so so much . (I have not one picture there though, oops)

Next I got to go turkey hunting for my very first time, and even though I didn't have a tag I enjoyed every second with Mike and Wyatt.

Wyatt was an awesome turkey caller and even though we shot this one on a drive by it still didn't take away from the experience.

This past weekend we headed back to Vegas to see Garth Brooks at the Wynn. This turned out to be one of my favorite weekends.
Friday night me, Tahsh, Mike, Les and Jus all hung out at the Orleans. I got to just enjoy some time with Tahsh and we had a good time while all the others gambled. Not too eventful but great people watching.

Saturday morning Les had a great idea to go to the Hoover Dam in Boulder NV. I have to say I kind of didn't want to go at first but am I so so glad that I did....once again I really need to stop having bad attitudes about things I have never tried. I am not a history person so going here I got to learn new things and can appreciate the Hoover Dam now.

Tahsha and I always have a good time together. She is always willing to let
me vent to her. So thankful for that!!

Mike just loves pictures...Can't ya tell?? shhheeshhh

Having a little too much fun inside the museum

We are inside the Hoover Dam!!! Um yeah really cool

Stairway to heaven (Tahsh); Stairway to Hell (Me) Like I said we always
have a good time

Ford Family

Saturday night we went to Garth and no words would ever describe how much I truly enjoyed this. It literally was so amazing and brought tears to me eyes at least two times. INCREDIBLE!!!

Parts that stick out the most (besides the fact that Garth is beyond sexy)

Him singing If tomorrow never comes

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel 

There are points in life where emotions take over and words to songs hit you like a train. Garth singing this song was one of those moments for me. I looked over at Mike and have never felt so blessed, honored, and thankful for him in my life. Every problem that we have had seemed to just disappear at that moment. I know what we share is true and that this man loves me as much as I love him. I don't know what our future holds but I do know that the love he's given me in the past is enough to last, if tomorrow never comes :) cheesy but ya get the point.

The Dance

And now I`m glad I didn`t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I`d have had to miss the dance

Listening to this verse of this song stuck out because I felt there was so much truth in the words. There are times that I wish I could plan every part of every day for myself, that way there would be no surprises good or bad.  I know even if I could do this though that my life would never be as much fun and amazing as it has been for me. My life is my dance, of course it comes with pain, sacrifice and hurt but the rewards of happiness, thankfulness, and pleasure outweigh all of it. I am so thankful for the opportunities that I have had and the people in my life.

(There are many more things that I could say about life and the pain and suffering sometimes I see as a nurseing students but that will be a whole other post one day to come, when the time is right).

Last but not least (cause lets face it I could go on forever about all his songs) him singing Chris Ledoux's

Rodeo

I love this song and for my own personal reasons of growing up rodeoing.

It puts me back in the truck with my dad and grandpa heading to rodeo's every weekend. It puts me in the shoot with Dash (horse). It puts me in a place of pure comfort and happiness. The saddle is where I grew up, where people knew my name, where some of the best memories I have ever had comes from. Rodeo for me as shaped me in so many ways. I believe it is the reason I work hard and the reason I strive to be the best that I can be everyday.

So there ya have it the last month of my life. Things to come:

-Moab next weekend

I get to do rotations at the

-State hospital

-Labor and Delivery

-Mother, Baby

-and Pediatrics next semester

Festival of Colors

I have lived in spanish fork for almost 7 years now and can honestly say I have had the most negative things to say about the festival of colors. I just never really saw the point in it and besides it just backed up everything all the way to Provo....So to say the least everytime I heard it was coming I would just roll my eyes and complain. BUT......This year I went to it with some persuasion from Camille and Leslie. And I am so glad that I did!!!!

Before.......

So let me just end by saying that LESSON LEARNED!!! Life is to short to complain and especially about things that you've never tried. I absolutly would do this again. It is not everyday ya can act like a complete kid and make a complete mess and not get in trouble :)
Goal: Enjoy everything that life has to offer...even if they do seem dumb. Cause the greatest things are the most simply.
Also getting this messy and having that much fun makes me even more excited for the Dirty Dash in June!!! woot woot

Fun times lately

So as I dig through all my photos on my camera I realized I don't blog near enough about all the fun times I am able to have. So this is going to be probably one of the most random blogs with a bunch of random photos from the past three months :)

I am always trying to capture cute and tender photos of Mike and I therefore Mike is ALWAYS working against me so........ this is where I get even.
 Here are all the me trying, him not so much cute and tender pictures that I have from the past couple months, and trust me I have many, many others.

I have to say that even though I hate not having a tons of cute pictures that these ones mean more to me than anything cause they capture us as a couple. Are personalities sometimes couldn't be more different and that is what keeps us together. He makes me laugh every single day and I couldn't be more in love with this man.






Now for some Snowy adventures (Even though we haven't had a whole lot of snow this year)
I WENT SNOW SHOEING....thanks to Camille and Leslie but I surprisingly loved it.

It's harder than you'd think.

Let's see getting stuck in the Jeep has been a weekend ocurrence lately

And this is what I think about getting stuck all the time :)

Usually I get extremely bored why'll Mike is getting the Jeep un-stuck so I take pictures of the boys

Bear would rather just sit in the Jeep and not get dirty and jumped on by Mac but he has really no choice until he makes this adorable face.....I can't say no

Mac LOVES sticks actually really anything that can be thrown and than retreived :)

We also went to Disneyland this month so here are my lame, sad two pictures that I got.

The Limo that picked us up from the airport (Awesome)

Us outside our hotel room

So since I don't have a ton of pictures of Disney this year I'll highlight the trip

• Beat Mike in checkers (1st time) on the plane ride in
• Gorgeous weather in CA, nothing like leaving the forties to the seventies
• Got to ride in a Limo
• Carol and I beat Mike and Kanyon on Toy Story
• Splash Mountain was open and Mike and I were SOAKED!!! Note to self don't put the two heaviest people in the front of the log because it will sink a little and water will come in at a fast rate
• Got to see Mike being A-dorable with his nephew (he'll kill me for putting this)
• Got to go swimming, and beat Justin and Bri at chicken with Wyatt.
• Fantasized with Taelyr about working at Disneyland as one of the dancers. We even showed off our moves.
• Ate inside pirates if the caribbean
• Ate ice cream daily
• Got to walk under the princess castle (Yup that excited me more than anyone will know)
• Didn't have to worry about homework for 2 days woot woot
• Worked the fast pass system so never had to wait too long for a ride
• Got to hear Tahsh freak out on screamin' lol Classic
• Went to Toontown for the 1st time. That place is so cute I loved it.
• Didn't go on it's a small world (Amen)
• Ate whatever I wanted cause lets face it I had to be walking a full marathon daily

Well there ya have it my exciting life for the past three months or so. I am happy to say that I officially made it through 2nd semester midterms and can't believe how fast school is going by. I am now 22 years old too......ugh so weird.
Can't wait for all the exciting things this year to come. We are going to the ACM awards, Moab and to Garth brooks in Vegas all in April. I'll be a busy blogger that month...Goal to take more pictures :)

Valentines Day

So can I just say how much I LOVE valentine's day...cause I do. Valentine's to me has taken on many different meanings over the years. I used to think there was no point in it but.......recently I have found that I have so much love around me that why wouldn't I take this one day to be thankful for it!!

As cheesy and corny as this whole post might seem I don't care cause this day means so much to me because of the people I have got to celebrate V-day with for the past 21 years. I have said it before and I will say it many more times, the family that surrounds me couldn't be more supportive and I am in LOVE with all of them. I have my sister which I couldn't be more proud of. She is an amazing teacher and finishing her Masters this year. What an inspiration she is to me. I sometimes hate that she lives so stinkin' far away but the sisterly love that we share can never be broken. I have my parents that support every little step I take and not only support but encourage my every move. And my great grandma that I love more then life itself sometimes. What courage and strength this women has. We just celebrated her 91st birthday and she amazes me!! I also have an amazing grandpa that I love to pieces. I used to travel to so many rodeos in high school with him and I will never forget the lessons he has taught me along the way. Not to mention all my extended family, all the uncles, aunts, and cousins that also I know will always be around for support if I needed it through the hardest of times. I truly am so blessed.







Christmas 2010





Ashley and I

Friends: Sure they have come and gone throughout the years but as I look back not one Valentine's ever went by without some great ones by my side and for that I am thankful for. Friends can get me through the hardest of days.

Now the main event of my V-day, Mike :)
This is our 4th V-day together. Crazy as it seems I wouldn't take back any of them!!! Also I am completely aware of how much crap I may receive for writing cute and tender things but I don't care because I never want to forget this. Life is too short.
I hold this man so dear to my heart because through everything he has not once judged me, he has not once told me I couldn't do something, he has supported my craziest of ideas, and most of all he has never let me down. I never thought in a million years that me, Nichole would settle down and enjoy a stressful yet enjoyable life but needless to say it happened. I can find happiness in the worst of days and can look forward to so many new things in our lives that are yet to come. I am excited about our future together. There are struggles and of course I just want to beat him up most days but here is to this V-day and hopefully many many more to come.

1st V-day, Mike actually bought roses :) 

2nd V-day

I hope everyone can find something or someone to be thankful for this Valentine's day because as stupid as this holiday may seem it is just one day out of 365 that we can slow down and think about the people around us. Possible give recognition that they are loved.

2011

So as I sat to sum up what 2011 was like for me I realized that my whole post was really negative and focused on what was a very hard year for me. This year was hard but I have to say so much great also came out of it so here's a list of all the great cause I realize now that no matter how bad life gets it only takes over the good if you let it.

ALL THE GREAT THINGS THIS YEAR

I got the blessing of going to Disneyland. I hadn't gone since I was like 6.

I celebrated my 21st B-day in Vegas with some amazing friends.

I graduated!!! from Snow that is with an associate degree in science. One goal down that is leading into so many others.

We got another baby in in the family.....Mac that is. What a truly amazing blessing dogs can be. I love my boys.

I enjoyed a couple concerts this summer and truly am so blessed to have amazing friends.

Enjoyed spending a weekend with my sister and went to the Tuacahn theatre to see the Little Mermaid.

I got a new desktop computer thanks to Mike and just can't believe how lucky I feel to have such a supportive person in my life. Let the schooling begin.

Got the blessing of going to Alaska and King Salmon fish. Too much fun.

Gained a friend in Alaska as well. Camille. Can't say enough about how thankful I am for one amazing friend to Mike and I. She helped me out so much already this past year.

Got a job as a CNA at a Nursing Home. People can make fun of me all they want but I know this job was a blessing to me. What a humbling feeling I got every day that I was helping others. 

Got accepted into 3 nursing schools. Yeah I am bragging a little cause I am so proud of how stinkin' hard I worked to be able to say this.

Started school at Provo College's RN program and finished my first semester with all A's :) Again bragging....sorry that's the last time

Went to Vegas with my family and close friends for the NFR. Super fun.

Got everything and more that I wanted out of Christmas. I had to work so I was a little sad but seriously I made the best out of it and everything turned out. The greatest gift I got was a hug from a very special person. It was so special to me cause I couldn't tell you last time this person gave me a hug. It was worth more than any physical present that I recieved. 

Got Mike out of the house to bring in the New Year. Even got a New Years kiss. These are the things that I cherise the most.

As I really look over this list I seriously wonder why I didn't see 2011 in all its amazingnis in the first place. I truly am so blessed to have the opportunities that I do that come from a supportive family and friends that surround me. Hope everyone can find the good that may have surrounded the bad cause it just might surprise you. Happy New Year and hope 2012 brings much joy!!!



Vegas NFR 2011

So it has come quite the tradition that I go to the NFR every year. My family gets tickets every year and I seriously look forward to it at all times. Rodeo has always played a huge part in my life and I still always think about the days I spent in preperation for them. The NFR just fascinates me because I cannot imagine the feeling of making it there and competing in that arena, what a rush it has to be. Rodeo what an event, I can't say enough good things about it and how truly blessed I feel to have been a part in it. I have such strong feelings about rodeo because it shaped me into the person I am today. With that said here are the highlights of this year :)

Friday night Camille and I had tickets to the rodeo (9th round).

Kayelin was such a good sport and went to New York New York and rode the rollercoaster all night without us.....She even got a VIP there ;)

Camille and I ended up at Studio 54 inside the MGM hotel that night and what a blast we had. This girl is great and we can always have a good time.

Saturday during the day we had so much fun walking around Cowboy Christmas and just hanging out. This is us on top of the Marriot hotel hanging out with my family.

The absolute funnest thing that I did on this trip was our Oreo we made on the mechanical bull at MGM. What a blast, my abs hurt so bad from laughing once I fell off.

Yes Camille has my sister's hair like reins, what a good time.

                                                                                       And us in action!!

There are always so many memories made here every year and I truly feel like I am in my element when I am around cowboys :)

Lets just say I cannot wait till next year!!!